PERSONAL NOTE

Wow, July was quite the month. For those of you close to San Diego, you know that we have "June Gloom," when a thick marine layer covers the city most of the month. Not this year...for the first time in many years, we had our crystal-clear San Diego weather almost the entire month. Then I had my NASCAR weekend.  They say a picture says a thousand words.  Did I have a great time? Well, see for yourself. 

ARTICLE

The Stories You Tell Yourself...Your Mind Is Talking…But Is It Telling You the Truth?

Have you ever noticed how quickly your mind fills in the blanks? Within seconds, your mind has written an entire story.

A friend didn’t return your call. "They're upset with me." A coworker walks by without saying hello. "I must have done something wrong." Your boss sends a brief email that simply says, "Can we talk?" "I'm in trouble." The interesting part is that none of those things may be true.

The only fact is what actually happened. Everything else is the story your mind created to explain it. Our minds are remarkable. They're constantly trying to make sense of the world around us. When information is missing, our brains naturally connect the dots. Sometimes that's helpful. Other times, we create explanations that have very little to do with reality.

The problem isn't that we tell ourselves stories. We all do. The problem begins when those stories are mistaken for facts. One unanswered text becomes, "They don't want to talk to me." One mistake at work becomes, "I always mess things up. “ One canceled lunch becomes, 'Our friendship must be changing." Without realizing it, we've taken a single event and built an entire conclusion around it.

Those conclusions can quietly influence your mood, your confidence, your relationships, and even your stress level. You react emotionally to something that may exist only in your imagination.

Fortunately, there's a simple way to interrupt that pattern. The next time you catch yourself assuming the worst, pause and ask: "Is this a fact...or is this the story I'm telling myself?"

That one question creates space between what happened and how you choose to respond. Instead of automatically believing every thought that enters your mind, you become curious. You allow room for other possibilities. Maybe your friend is simply busy. Maybe your coworker is distracted. Maybe your boss wants to thank you instead of criticizing you. Or maybe you don't have enough information yet to know the truth.

Life gives us enough real challenges without adding imagined ones. Learning to separate facts from the stories you create doesn't mean ignoring problems or pretending everything is fine. It simply means giving yourself the opportunity to respond to reality instead of reacting to assumptions.

This week, listen to the conversations taking place inside your own mind. You may discover that your inner storyteller is imaginative—but not always accurate.

Sometimes changing your life doesn't begin with changing your circumstances. Sometimes it begins by changing the story you've been telling yourself. 

COOL RESOURCE

If you are looking for additional information about how we tell stories to ourselves, you might want to check out this book.  The Stories We Tell Ourselves: Twelve Everyday Thinking Traps and the Small Tools That Set Us Free by Dr. Shahid Mehmood  

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Stay safe, healthy, and happy!

Coach Jan